The Legendary Fisherman

“Something must kill a man.”

I’m sure we have all heard this or said this once before in our lives, but today it really felt like I was going to die. My name is Destiny, I’m sure you remember that, today I’m going to tell you how I ended up here, at this point where I was ready to die.

It had started about three weeks ago, during the time I was waiting for the Spawn of Satan turn impressive vacuum cleaner, Glory, (if you don’t know who she is, check out my previous quest for the story) I had joined this dating site, you know that one, that one that’s on your phone right now. Don’t tell me you don’t have it, I won’t believe you. Anyway, I joined up, dropped my mad pictures as my profile picture, updated my bio and boom, the fisherman was fishing in the bigger ponds. You know that’s how star do. 

The son of man started doing the messaging thing, chai, I think I entered like seventy times seven times seven DMs.  Fishing is hard o. I’m pretty sure my brothers reading this can relate. Not one girl responded. It was like they took one look at my messages and decided I was not worth it. My heart sunk like the titanic after it made out with that iceberg, slowly but surely. Add Glory’s troubles and everything seemed like it would never work out for me. I think I cried in the middle one night, but we can never be sure. But as any good fisherman knows, patience is the key to a great haul.

Like three days after Glory made me sing glory alleluia with her mouth, (again check out my first quest for the story) I opened the site again and I had a message notification. You cannot understand the level of confusion I had in my heart. I know you are thinking, confusion? Yes my people, confusion.

Let me explain. 

There were three possible reasons for the message notification.  

One, the desired reason. A girl had finally checked my profile, realized my greatness, wanted to be a part of my success story and had decided to table her intentions and needs to the grandmaster. 

Yes, I am the grandmaster, any problem? 

Anyway, the second reason, the unwanted and most likely reason. The dating site people had judged, based on the lack of replies and interaction from the opposite gender, that I was a robot. A mechanical being too good for their site and had decided to message me to warn me about deactivating my account.  In hindsight, this was not as likely as I had thought, but a horny man does not think right.

And finally the third reason, the scary reason. A “girl” had replied. The kind of girl that no man wants to meet on a dating site, a girl that is only after one thing and one thing only. The one thing that has nothing to do with my grandmaster level skills, money. And I use the term girl loosely, because more often than not, these “GIRLS” are actually other guys trying to use my horny state against me. Mad people everywhere. I would not be caught in a web of lies.

I waited for a long time trying to summon the courage to open the message. No I’m not a coward, I’m a grandmaster. You know these things happen to people of our level of skill, If you don’t you are not on my level.

When I eventually opened the message, lo and behold, it was from one of the seventy times seven times seven profiles I had messaged.  

Let me explain why I had messaged this profile earlier. 

This was the only profile that I had come across that the girl was not flaunting her assets, goodies, packages or whatever slang name you want to use for breasts and ass. That was the first sign that it was not a catfish account. The second sign was that the profile was simple, nothing overly sexual, nothing overly too simple it was just simple. If you are using this kind of site, you know what I mean.

So that’s how me and Feranmi started talking. She was not stunningly beautiful like Zendaya, but she was gorgeous too, in the way only an African girl can be. We exchanged pictures, talked about our beliefs and the other stupid things people pretend to take note of when all they want to do is shift undies and spread legs. I liked her and she would probably be the kind of person I would make friends with were it not that my divining rod was the one leading me to seek her waters.

I was still looking for how to shift the conversation to pant shifting, when she brought it up herself. And when I say brought it up, I mean she raised my flagpole by sending me a video of her touching herself. The caption? When and where. 

Let us take a break here. 

Ladies, we males are not that complicated, we see something we like, we get hard, it is simple mathematics. A naked girl we like, plus our little buddy, equals instant boner. Simple maths. But the thing is, a boner does not necessarily mean I would have sex with you. We are simple creatures, yes, but even simple creatures have preferences, so that a man has a boner for you does not mean he is your slut, your plaything or something you can control. We are selective too, the fact that you send me nudes or videos like Feranmi did not mean I would instantly want her in my bed, nature made us all that way. So please keep that in mind.

Now that we have established all that, let me tell you that my decision to select Feranmi did not take 2 seconds. I instantly wanted her in my bed and would probably have invited her to the grandmaster’s casa that second, if not that the grandmaster’s casa was dirty as hell. 

Soooooo…

I told her to come over the next day while I shifted some things around to make time for her. I wanted to prepare, I shaved in all the right regions, cleaned my place up and got some drinks to put in my mini fridge, my trusty sidekick.. Water too was stocked up, I was going to need to keep hydrated for what I had planned for her. The next day could not come early enough. 

She arrived early in the morning, thank God I was already up and finishing up my shower when she knocked. She took one look at me standing there with my towel wrapped round my waist and her standing there in her skirt and blouse. The smile that appeared on her face told me that I had made a mistake. I was not the fisherman, in other scenarios, probably yes. But in this situation, I was the fish and it seemed like I was way out of my depths here. 

“I see you are already dressed the way I want you” was all she said before she smashed her lips against mine. I was totally unsure of what to do, these were new waters. The fisherman was left adrift, why is the fish jumping into my net on its own.  The next thing I knew,  we were on my bed, my raging boner in her mouth and my eyes closed in pleasure as my mouth made sounds I was not sure I had ever made before in my life. If Glory was vacuum cleaner 1.0, Feranmi was the newer, improved version of her, with the twist and suck features. A proper throat goat, a  queen of the coast, the kind of Karahika that Falz warned us about. My mind was just as blown as little destiny. Dear reader, surmise it to say, Feranmi was good. Great even. And that is why, I am not ashamed to mention this, but your boy, Lord Destiny the Great, third of his kind, first of his domain, the legendary grandmaster took four minutes to bust a nut,  four fucking minutes. I thought of myself as the grandmaster, and here was a true legend, making me bow to her superiority without question. 

Ah! This would not stand.

I flipped her onto her back, raised her skirt and what I found there was tantalizing to behold. I won’t give too many details, but she was shaved with just a little strip of hair, pointing the way to Valhalla, the land of gods. The sight I saw, beckoned me to eat, the smell pulled me in closer and let me tell you, there are just some moments in life that a man has to do what a man has to do. I didn’t just eat, I feasted. And I really enjoyed the feast. Her moans drove me on, and the way her thighs wrapped around my head was fueling my ego like never before. I would show this girl why they call me the grand master. 

Then we began to do the do. She climbed on top of me and started to ride. Then I climbed on top of her, and at some point there was a table in the mix. I don’t even own a table. These last few minutes were a blur to the son of man. But that was when the gears shifted, I was in the middle of feasting again when a cough behind me sent both of us scrambling off the bed.  I looked back for the source of the cough and there was Glory, standing there in all her naked glory, her clothes neatly folded in a pile beside her bag on the floor.

Apparently during the course of me and Feranmi’s sessions, she had dropped by and seen us doing the do and she had decided that she wanted to join in. I looked from her to Feranmi unsure how to handle the situation but when Feranmi got off the bed and went to kiss her I got my answer and right then and there I realized.

“Something must kill a man.”

My people, I will see you another time, I’ve finished my second bottle of water and I need to go back to work and show these people why I am the best fisherman on the planet.